dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
organizing the empties. That sober.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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