Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Randomize
