went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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