so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Sober January is a disaster.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
