he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I fill condoms, not promises.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
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