5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
