OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
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