Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize