I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Randomize
