it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
where are you?
Hypothermia
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Randomize
