i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
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