I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Dick very happy bro
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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