she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
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