So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
