I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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