Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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