never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
