If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
