Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
