Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
