if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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