so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Randomize
