Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
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