Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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