I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
why is half of my head shaved?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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