He had one of those small greek statue penises
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
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