Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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