Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
