shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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