dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
