it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
