to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
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