I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
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