no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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