I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Christians are straight up FREAKS
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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