I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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