She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
