so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Randomize
