you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Randomize
