She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
