I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You ruined the universe
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
