He had one of those small greek statue penises
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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