I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
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