She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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