If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
