Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
