I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
