her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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