I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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