ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
A bitchslap is in order.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
