what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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