what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
