Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Dicks are not precious.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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