Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Randomize
