4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
