and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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