Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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