Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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