i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I didn't notice because vodka
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
