He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
