And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
