I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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