It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
