I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
