My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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