Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
