What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Randomize
