Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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