hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize