I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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