Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize
