If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
There's always time for handjobs
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
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