Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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