covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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