margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
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