You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
