i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
They have beer where we have blood.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
