I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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