At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
