It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
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