I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
