i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
