I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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