I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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