I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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