The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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