I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
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