its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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