How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
