i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
