I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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