Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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