do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
