Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize