nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
